Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

The pendulum is always swinging. Before Covid-19 (BC-19) people’s lives were very frenetic. We were dictated to by our devices (diaries, emails, phone calls etc). We had lost sight of who we are and what is important to us. Then we were ambushed!! A virus struck and the pendulum swung back. We isolated ourselves from the world we knew and withdrew inwards. We have had time for introspection, we have not had too many opportunities to physically interact with others. We have had to face ourselves!

BC-19 our lives became incrementally busy over 3 short decades. So much so that we were easily able to avoid facing ourselves and any issues or problems that may have built up over time. Our minds were occupied with sufficient distractions. Today, with our lack of human interaction and reduced involvement in non-essential activities, there is only so much Netflix we can watch and internet we can spend our time on. While we lost touch with ourselves, we are now realizing we do not have sufficient distractions to avoid facing ourselves. Who have we become without us knowing? Where did my life take a turn, that I pushed myself aside?

Being honest with ourselves and loving who we are is a big personal challenge. Our social values and norms could be in conflict with who we believe we are, leading us to dislike or even hate ourselves. This, in turn, leads us to justify why we “deserve” less, to be hurt or punished. This could not be farther from the truth. Being honest with yourself about the person you are, is an essential step to achieving what you wish to, to give your life purpose and meaning and to being truly happy.

Someone once said to me: “if you can’t love yourself, how do you expect others to love you?” That really shook me, in a good way. That thought had never crossed my mind and now it was like a light had been turned on. Did I not love myself? It made me think about what loving yourself means. This is how I came to realise that when I am angry at others, I am often annoyed by qualities I do not like in myself which I recognise in them. I also concerned myself with other people and trivial things that should not have to affect me, which ultimately had an influence on my mood or opinions on things that I didn’t need to concern myself about. I was distracted from understanding who I was, being true to that and sticking to my course.

When it came to facing things about myself that I didn’t like, I had to remind myself that I am not perfect. The same way that I don’t like everyone and that not everyone likes me, I had to realise that there were elements of myself that I didn’t like and I would have to learn to work on and/or accept them. That is unconditional love. It is the same love that people have for their parents, siblings, children and partners. I had to forgive myself for my flaws and recognise that they are a part of me. This realisation also allows me to be more forgiving of others.

Here are some things to think about:

· What are your best qualities?

· What qualities do people compliment you for?

· How do you use those qualities to help others or make a meaningful difference?

· If a good friend approached you with the same concerns, how would you advise them?

It is so vital to be forgiving of yourself, to unconditionally love yourself and figure out how to reconcile any seemingly conflicting values and desires. It is important to look for ways to explore who you are, accept who you are and love yourself. When you can love yourself, you focus more on your good qualities and are more easily able to contribute to the world around you, see people in a positive light and make a meaningful difference. When love for yourself grows, your love for others and the world around you grows.The same way you strengthen recognising the best in yourself, so to do you become more sensitive to recognising the best in those around you. It builds on itself. Face yourself, love all of yourself unconditionally and work on your best qualities.